New Girl, Season 5 “No Girl” by Morgan

To remind audiences that Jess was away, episode “No Girl” began with reporting on her court case, which involves a high profile chef on trail for murder. The news quickly cut to the announcement for the birth of an otter, surely a shout out to Zooey Deschanel who gave birth to her daughter, Elsie Otter, in August. Congrats to Zooey and Jacob!

Picture of Zooey and Elsie taken from

As anticipated, without Jess there to save the day, Cece and the boys quickly fall out of line and into their usual trouble. Adding their snobby college comrade Todd to the equation causes Nick to raise the bar on Schmidt’s Bachelor Party, which he calls “Bachelors” Party. Wanting to be the best best man, Nick spends $9000 on nonrefundable tickets to Tokyo. To afford said tickets, they decide to turn the loft into hotel.

They service:

Brandon- There to finish his semi erotic, mostly bad novel, Brandon has a penchant for breaking glasses, singing while peeing, and wearing Jess’s dresses.

Komiko- Speaking very little English, Komiko and Nick have an infatuation turned “sexual encounter,” which ultimately leads her to think Nick is a prostitute.

A Family- Quickly kicked out, this very stereotypical white-Midwestern-tourist family with an incredibly annoying daughter are the first to throw a signature wrench in Nick’s money- making scheme.

Having not made money from their business venture, Schmidt almost falls for Todd’s promise of luxury, but cuts in as he will not let Todd degrade Nick with a punishing “one-ball slap” leftover from their college days.

Trying to fulfill her promise to Jess that she would take care of the boys, Cece manages to get Winston dumped and set him on a revenge track. Seemingly disastrous, it turns out Cece managed to get Winston out of a bad relationship and helps him get enough revenge to boost his confidence. He concludes the episode with a goal for his future relationships: make girls cry for him.

Ultimately, it was a funny episode, but did not meet expectations. The characters fell into their usual pitfalls, but the crew seemed too divided in their endeavors to produce the humor exuding from their natural dynamic.

In commercial news, Oprah has bread every single day.

AND, the quote of the episode comes from our boy Shmidtty in response to his Bachelor Party, “I’m going to eat sushi off my own ass!”


By Morgan Schatzman



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