Wow. To quote the “Meat is Murder” manager, Beau Santomero, “Week 12 was bananaland.” Indeed it was. Up was down. Down was up. Cats turned into dogs, and dogs turned into yellow spotted Dragon-Emu hybrids. The results of Week 12 seemed as likely as Iran dropping the fatwa on postmodern, postcolonial author Salman Rushdie for his fourth novel, 1988’s The Satanic Verses.
We begin with the biggest upset of the week- “The 88 Train’s” victory over the “Mikey Bombers.” The woes of the “88s” have been chronicled in depth during these recaps. Starting off the season 3-2, the “88s” went on an 8 game losing streak that brought them from the epipelagic zone, to the abyssopelagic zone where they were prey to Angler Fish, and other hellish creatures from the recesses of Jacques Cousteau’s nightmares. But not this week. They knocked off the league’s one true Goliath “the Mikey Bombers.” Last week we talked about the “Bombers” ability to make any deficit seem like nothing, and at one point it seemed as if we were going to get a repeat of almost every other week this season. The “88s” started strong and went up forty points early, only to blow the lead and go down forty points themselves. But late in the week they staged a comeback, and shocked the entire league by delivering the “Bombers” their third loss this season.
This was huge for a team who has struggled not only on the field, but off the field as well. Their embarrassing and classless war of words with the “Credible Hulk,” last week left their PR department cleaning up a mess almost as big as that rebranding effort that we are obliged to discuss weekly until the end of time. Literally, the “misguided rebranding attempt by the ‘88 Train’” will be mentioned each week as the “misguided rebranding attempt by the ‘88 Train’” until the sun explodes or society collapses and the robots take over. But even after their victory this week, it doesn’t seem like the “88s” are wising up and fixing their off field behavior. In a post game press conference manager Will Ferraro brought up the playoff picture unprompted. “We’ll make it in as the last seed, and run the fucking table. I can guarantee that. You can quote me on that,” he braggadociously said. Whether or not that will be the case, we can only be happy for this team and the glimmer of hope they showed this week. They are martyrs, showing us all that the king is always vulnerable, and that anything is possible.
Cutting cross country to the Western Conference, there was another upset. “Green Day’s Mookie” fell to “Mac’s Smelly Sox.” The “Smelly Sox” were the Team to Watch last week. They’re on a three game win streak now, and although they have a lot of ground to make up, they’ve had promising wins against two of the league’s best. This week was against “Mookie,” a team that has consistently been at the top of the league, but has faced some difficulty lately. They’ve now lost three in a row. While this could just be a midseason lapse, a continuation of these soft performances could spell death for this team.
“A-Rod’s Girlfriends” and the “D-Train”squared off against one another, and their game factors into the fates of both “Mookie” and the “Sox.” The “Girlfriends” pulled the win out this week, taking the “D-Train” to town and advancing to .500. While the “D-Train” retains first place thanks to “Mookie’s” loss, this conference just got a whole lot tighter. After Week 12, the “Sox” sit two games out of first, while the “Girlfriends” are just one. The results of Week 13 have the ability to send shockwaves through the conference.
Also benefitting from the losses of “Mookie” and “the D-Train” is the “Benny Bombers” who are still far and away the hottest team in the league. They destroyed “Relieving Myself” and extended their winning streak to five straight, one away from tying the “Mikey Bombers” six game streak at the start of the season. They advance to 8-4, and are one game out of first place. As has been mentioned in prior recaps, one of the “Bennys” wins was against the “Mikeys,” which would give them the tiebreaker for first place should they both wind up there.
Trailing behind both “Bombers,” “Meat is Murder” advanced to 7-5 this week after defeating the “Credible Hulk.” Both teams were .500 and tied for third in their conference, and vying for position. Well, “Murder” came out on top. “Hulk” dropped back to .500, a win percentage that they have hovered around all season. “The Credible Hulk” shares similar qualities to “A-Rods Girlfriends.” Both are frustrating to watch, as they switch from contender to pretender almost weekly. What’s even more troubling is the on-going Mascot Sex Scandal in the “Hulk” organization, which continues to plague the team off the field. While there is still very little definitive proof coming out, the scandal now seems to implicate not only front office members, but also possibly players and other members of the clubhouse. This is an unnecessary distraction for a team who needs to show a little consistency if they don’t want to be left behind.
Team to Watch Out For: A-Rod’s Girlfriends– One game out of first place and a matchup against the 1-11 “Relieving Myself.” With the two teams ahead of them squaring off this week, it’s almost definite that the “Girlfriends” will be in second place at the end of the week.
Matchup of the Week: Green Day’s Mookie vs. The D-Train– Tied for first in the Western Conference at 7-5, this game is huge.
- Mikey Bombers (9-3)
- Benny Bombers (8-4)
- Meat is Murder (7-5)
- The Credible Hulk (6-6)
- The 88 Train (4-8)
- The D-Train (7-5)
- Green Day’s Mookie (7-5)
- A-Rod’s Girlfriends (6-6)
- Mac’s Smelly Sox (5-7)
- Relieving Myself (1-11)