Calling all PR departments! Calling all PR departments! Looks like the time is right for another rebranding effort. After this week, the “A-Rods Girlfriends” might as well change their name to a Sylvester Stallone directed sequel to “Saturday Night Fever,” because they are Stayin’ Alive.
Let’s be honest, the odds are stacked against the “A-Rod’s Girlfriends,” which is mostly due to their own underwhelming performance this season. But there is still a glimmer of possibility, a long shot of long shots, that they can somehow manage to grab that final seed in the playoffs this season. After a victory over the “McBadBats,” they stand one game out of the final wild card spot. Based on the energy of this team, they’re pretty intent on getting it. As the game started to get out of hand for the McBadBats, you could hear the crowd start chanting “Die Bitch Die.” It was hardly what the McBadBats wanted to hear, as they struggle to make it to the end of the season. But for the fans of the “Girlfriends” chanting it, “Die Bitch Die” was a rallying cry for a team that just won’t quit, a team that is going to fight and claw to try to make the playoffs.
The team they have to beat is “The Credible Hulk,” who lost their second game in a row this week. The “Hulk” is trying to clinch that final playoff spot and until two weeks ago, they seemed like a shoo-in to do it. But after losing two in a row, their spot is becoming insecure. They’d more than likely get the tiebreaker against the “Girlfriends” in the case of the two finishing with the same record, but is that a way you want to go into the playoffs? Probably not, and mind you, if the “Hulk” fails to notch another win, and the “Girlfriends” win out, they’ll find themselves on the outside looking in. The two face off this week, in a must win game for both teams. A win for the “Girlfriends,” puts the teams in a tie going into the final week of the season.
This must all be frustrating for “The Credible Hulk.” Their Week 17 loss at the hands of “The D-Train” stands as one of the most heartbreaking of the season. Late into Sunday night, the teams were tied, and seemed destined to match each other’s scores. They went from 288-288 to 287-287. For “The D-Train’s” general manager, this was intensely nerve-wracking. Stuck with spotty service on the Long Island Railroad and in the basement of New York Penn Station, he stood tensely waiting for the chance he could finally check the results. This would have been the second tie in two weeks for “The D-Train,” which is actually quite a remarkable feat. As mentioned last week, ties are like bigfoot- very, very, unquestionably real, but very rare. Even worse than the tie would have been the loss, but thanks to strong relief pitching, “The D-Train” came out on top, clinching a playoff birth.
This is good news for “The D-Train,” who might as well be the fifth album by the Front Bottoms, because they are “Back on Top” of their division. With “Green Day’s Mookie” losing to “Meat is Murder,” the “Train” is back in first, thanks to their Week 16 tie, which, speaking for everybody here in the media, we hope makes the “McBadBats” feel futile in their spoiler efforts.
At this point, most of the top teams are jostling for playoff position. Five teams have clinched, but with two more weeks to go and such close records, a lot can change in terms of seeding. Take this week for example. “Mookie,” with their loss to “Murder” falls to second in the division, and fifth overall in the seeding, losing their first round bye to “The D-Train.” The “Train” on the other hand, jumped three seeds and gained a bye with their victory over the “Hulk.” With two weeks left and a tight race, it’s hard to tell who will come out with that first round bye.
In the Eastern Conference, the race is a little bit more structured. It’s pretty clear that the “Mikey Bombers” will end up with the top seed. Despite a rocky July, they’re back to being the juggernaut they were at the start of the season. This week they played “The Durag Vince McMahons,” and won. They advance to 13-4, and extend their win streak to three games.
Don’t tell anyone, but speaking of win streaks, have you checked out “Meat is Murder.” They’ve quietly gone on a four game win streak, and while it is more than likely that won’t be enough to catch the “Bombers,” it clearly bodes well for the playoffs. Add in that they’ve been tossing up monster scores, this is a team that could do some major damage come playoff time. Their biggest threat right now in terms of their wild card spot is still the “Benny Bombers.” The “Bombers” have won three straight themselves, and both teams are tied for that first wild card position. While “Meat is Murder” has the tiebreaker currently, we could see these two swap positions over the next two weeks.
Let’s not forget about our teams rounding out the bottom of the league. The “McBadBats” squandered their only opportunity to spoil a teams playoff chances, with their loss to the “Girlfriends.” The rest of the season they face only “Mac’s Smelly Sox” and “The Durag Vince McMahons,” both of which have already been mathematically eliminated. Depending on the results of the “Hulk v. Girlfriends” matchup this week, “Mac’s Smelly Sox,” could find themselves in a chance to take away the “Hulk’s” playoff chances in the last week of the season. And finally, “The Durag Vince McMahons”- they have potentially the juiciest upset of all, coming in the final week of the season. Their last matchup, they face off against the “McBadBats.” While this wouldn’t make much of mark on either teams fate, the joy in seeing the “McMahon’s” notch their second win against the dismal and arrogant “McBadBats” would simply be too much to handle. But alas, we get ahead of ourselves.
Team to Watch Out For: The Durag Vince McMahons– Wait what? Two weeks in a row for a team that is so bad they make the Cleveland Browns look like playoff contenders. What you have to realize is that the “McMahons” are like The Room of fantasy baseball teams. No, not Room, that movie with the girl who won the Oscar. They are the Tommy Wiseau produced The Room of the league. Incredibly, incredibly watchable and fascinating, despite how bad they are. “Oh, hi Mark!”
Matchup of the Week: The Credible Hulk vs. A-Rods Girlfriends– The “Girlfriends” are tenacious in their heart. They refuse to quit. The “Hulk” is the only team in the playoff picture they can knock off at this point. Will “Die Bitch Die” be a won week fad, or a war cry for a squad as determined as the Roman 300 at Thermopylae.
- The Mikey Bombers (13-4)*
- Meat is Murder (11-6)*
- The Benny Bombers (11-6)*
- The Credible Hulk (9-7)
- The McBadBats (5-11-1)
- The D-Train (10-6-1)*
- Green Day’s Mookie (10-7)*
- A-Rod’s Girlfriends (8-9)
- Mac’s Smelly Sox (6-11)
- The Durag Vince McMahons (1-16)
*Clinched playoff spot